...begins with a click bait
Boredom will make a person do things, good things, bad things… and then stupid things. And I have done some stupid things over the past four months. For instance, i saw an advertisement declaring ‘Hundreds of hrny women in your area. Click to find out!’ I clicked. And I found out they were lying. And I should have learnt my lesson the first time, but once again, another advertisement promised to show me how to make $1000 per day like my other ‘fellow Kenyan‘. Fellow Kenyan here had been pictured posing beside what was supposed to be his red Maserati sports car. I have always wanted a red Maserati, the one with a black tires and black rims. I clicked. And, once again, Fellow Kenyan was also another lie.
Judging by their numerous amounts on every site I visit, I’m beginning to think that false advertisements might be a thriving business venture. Those advertisements flock websites in numbers huge enough to make Prophet Owuor’s flock look like a mere demonstration against mass gatherings. Next time you see a ‘You can now send documents through MPESA or PayPal. Click to see how!’ please click, that’s me trying a new business venture.
I finally realized that no internet promotions will amount to anything concrete, when I won an iPhone 11, whose participation I don’t even remember signing up for. Can’t these people just chill? And now I have firmly resigned to wait to enjoy the riches stored for me in heaven, this world is probably not my home.
So it was then that I decided to use my internet for other productive reasons; Entertainment. You could rightly assume that I was going to start a YouTube channel or a TikTok. But no. I was going to watch movies and entertain myself. And it was here that I found out that there is more to movies than DJ AFRO. For those that have been left behind, DJ AFRO is a voice over artist, only that this one voices over all the movie characters’ dialogues , doubles over as the Foley artist, all while translating the whole movie from either English or Hindi to Swahili. He is the stuff of legends.
Anyway, I discovered Young Adult movies, and I enjoyed them. That was until I noticed there was something about their appearances. A 16 year old boy would look like some mature 32 year old professional body builder cum model. Then there was me. A twenty-year old keg barrel; all round with no corners.
These kids in my movies were always in the gym, playing hot people games while me, on the other hand, was used to eating all day, attracting all manners of internet scams and complaining that I was getting fat. Things had to change. And so that was how I found myself on this one-week workout program that is supposed to see me looking like the potential model I want to imagine myself to be.
So stay with me…..
Featured image courtesy of Audrey De Gamez