Things that never happened

CBDs are usually the cleanest, most aesthetically appealing areas of town where serious businesses are located, right? So yesterday I was walking in the CBD. In Kakamega. This was the cleanest area of Kakamega town. There was a bank, the governor’s office and restaurants- serious businesses. It is here that I stumbled upon a note. It was a one thousand shilling note. And I stepped on it, stood there, looked around. Then picked it up.

I once was told about an old woman who used to leave ten shilling coins next to Kakamega Primary School. Everyone, primary school pupils, who picked up the coin, would walk home but never get there. They were like the Israelites on their journey from Egypt. Only that the Israelites eventually got to where they were going. I was told this by My Friend, ask My Friend.

With my roadside wealth, I was going to start a business. There was this Guy in my village that started an empire from a five hundred shilling capital. It is said that with five hundred, my guy bought a packet of flour, and used the remaining amount to enjoy his last days of poverty. After enjoyment, Guy went down to business and repackaged his one packet of flour into smaller bags which he sold and earned profit. He used the profit to buy two packets of flour which he then repackaged and sold and made profit… I guess you now see the trend. Guy made so much money he was a millionaire by the years end. It is said that he eventually moved to Europe to live out the rest of his money. Guy was smart. I wanted to be like Guy.

Behind every successful man is a woman. I had the woman. She is beautiful. So beautiful that she once got detained at the airport because she’d been mistaken for one of those internationals arrivals jetting in for some beauty pageant …took us three hours to convince the event organizers she was not a model, maybe a model citizen. Furthermore, yesterday, my girlfriend was arrested for public disturbance. She had been walking around without a mask and was attracting a mass of admirers behind her in the process. As we all know, public gatherings have been made illegal and that’s how I found myself at the station fighting for my girl like her man I am.

I informed My Woman about my plans to be successful. She then informed me of this fellow that had shown her a very nice investment idea. Live Auction. She then went ahead to explain to me how it works, I didn’t listen. I sent her the money to invest.

Here I am, one week later, motivating you to invest like I did. It doesn’t take alot to get rich. After all, Jeff (Bezos, potentially rich people and other fellow rich people refere to each other by first name basis, it’s a thing among peers) was once poor- I think. Invest my people.
Last we heard from the Live Auction people, they were upgrading their systems to better accommodate us, the investors. My money must be multiplying abundantly in there. Reminds me of the saying bona sumeret tempus. Good things take time.

I just can’t wait to experience some rich people problems; tax evasion et al.

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